Merry Christmas Mindy & The Rainbow Connection

Dear Mindy,

The busy holiday season got the better of me and it's been a while since I've posted. However, I did not want to close out 2015 without acknowledging you my dear. You've had an incredible year - new home for your show, new book, and... perchance new lovers like no other? 

I realized I initiated this blog in January 2015, although it took me a couple of months to really get it going - and it was about a month after that you blocked me- which was pretty amazing. I didn't cover all the topics I had in mind but I picked up some cool followers and Instagram Mindians along the way. I also choose to believe you may have possibly shouted me out on your show -just let me have this delusion guys. All in all, it was a blast in the past.

Now, on to the future. I am convinced that one day you will star in my epic movie or musical blockbuster of all time. I tell myself that I will wait until the wrap party to drop my secret-blogger past on you but I know that I will not be able to contain myself past the initial casting lunch. This will give you momentary but inconsequential pause about joining my production. Even more fame and fortune will follow. We will eventually co-godparent Franco's adorable bastard twins. It will all be so amazing. 

But I must write it for this to come. Therefore, blogging must give way. It won't be goodbye forever. I may even post from time to time. And if you are ever in need of some noble-hearted rando, just give me a sign - maybe an unblocking?

Remember when you were younger, and for motivation you thought of the awesome peeps you'd befriend once you made it; mine would be you. 

Yours Truly.

What's so amazing

That keeps us stargazing

And what do we think we might see

Someday we'll find it

The rainbow connection

The lovers, the dreamers, and me

I am not Mr. Robot

Dear Peeps,

There are multiple posts I've been meaning to write - still covering Why Not Me? Thanks to the awesome @madcharitable (aileenr on Instagram), I have even more data to consider.

In the meantime, a question I received from a reader was pretty amusing to me - whether I am able to write my creeptastic posts because I am a computer hacker? 

This is hysterical and impossible, although the staples of my wardrobe are hoodies. Plus I love society. I am not an anarchist or revolutionary. I am a mid-level muggle most reliable consumer of capitalist excess. I live for the excesses. I detest change. The ads you see on TV - they were made for me. I am the demographic. 

Stay tuned. Please feel free to email more inquiries to manformindy@gmail.com. But please don't hack me.   

Why Not Me? "One Of The President's Men" Update

Dear Mindy,

I have it on good authority that your boy felt blindsided by the tell-some chapter in your book and in typical guy fashion, he didn't feel it was an accurate depiction of what happened between you two. 

So if you were wondering what he thought about it, now you know. Don't ask me how I know this. I don't know him and he doesn't know that I know it was him. Let's just say it's a freakishly small universe. 

If your aim was payback by blowing up his spot in a diabolically effective but contained way, mission accomplished. I bet he's way flattered even as he protests.

I'm still impressed that you wrote it. 

XOXO

Mindy Don't Know Me Like That

For those of you out there who have wondered and even inquired, I do not know Mindy Kaling!

I have never met Mindy Kaling, am not employed by Mindy Kaling, and am not connected to anyone in her social circle, remote or otherwise, who has sold out her personal secrets.

What I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like... Mindy Kaling... who has never wronged me in any way and who just happens to be at the center of my current celebrity fixations. 


I'm not psychic but I do have a sixth sense that may somehow be related to my astigmatism. While I'm no Robert Downey Jr., my powers of deduction are surprisingly on point, especially when the subject is a celebrity because then I am privy to lots of information I have no business knowing.

If I were unscrupulous, I would already have had made a fortune as a celebrity palm-reader (for entertainment purposes only). I would also have outed the Obama aide that Mindy writes about in Why Not Me? "One Of The President's Men." 

Very clever Mindy but I was not led astray gobbling up your tasty breadcrumbs of misdirection. Yes, I'd wager that I have indeed identified the non-villain/hero in your love chapter. Well, that may sound like B.S.; Nevertheless, I will maintain Mindy's secret, knowing she wouldn't want to subject this guy to "the censure of the world for caprice." 

Sometimes I'm concerned that people like me would cause Mindy to be more guarded and to therefore share less, ruining it for us all.

I would like to take this time to reassure Mindy that I don't want to be the cause of that suckage. While my blog may occasionally blow up her spot, it will not be with malicious intent. My favorite things in life include Mindy's chapters and Taylor's songs. 

Hey Mindy, if you're ever curious about what you revealed that gave it away, have your people call my people. 

Why Not Me? Book Profiling - Acknowledgments

As I mentioned in my review of Why Not Me?, I wanted to dissect the book further in additional blog posts.

It's easy to overlook the Acknowledgments section, overshadowed by the wit and affability with which the actual chapters of the book are so carefully crafted. But to me, it is the most revealing section of the book and therefore, perhaps even my favorite. It was the place I first turned to when I got Mindy's book in my hands (which says something about me - freak), and what a story it tells.

Including also the Dedication to Mindy's Mother

Mindians won't miss the lack of mentions, especially when compared to the acknowledgments in her first book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) - see below:

Now, I don't imagine every person who had been acknowledged previously and not mentioned in the second book's acknowledgments has bad blood with Mindy. Some of these people may simply have had involvement with the first book and not with the second. Mindy and Lena Dunham still seem to be friends.

Other missing shout-outs are more jarring, including:

Mindy's brother, Vijay - that's sad. Obviously, Mindy couldn't have loved her brother's whole Indian-face fiasco. In fact, it was reported that her rep stated at the time of the embarrassing media coverage: "Mindy has been estranged from her brother for years. She was not aware of his decision to apply to medical school under a different name and race." 

I still wish these siblings would reconcile. I think they may have already been on their way to making up had their Mom been around to force the issue like moms usually do. 

Mindy, think about making up with your crazy brother - he's still your family. We won't judge you for his antics. 

Other former "dearest":
Brenda Withers (I called it) and Christina Hoe - an examination of this deserves its own post.

David Harris: 
Obviously, the ex-boyfriend wouldn't get a mention. While the current version of her first book doesn't include it (as you can see from the images above), a google book search reveals, that at one time in the first edition, David Harris had been acknowledged (as you can see from the image below). 

It seems that other references to her ex David have also been removed from the current version of Is Everyone Hanging Out With Me? Too bad I can't read the rest of this page:

Danny Chun: 
I'd guess that things aren't all good between these two former writing mates. The most telling indication of this is Mindy doesn't seem to have once mentioned or plugged Danny's new show, Grandfathered, on her social media. Interestingly, Grandfathered airs on the FOX network, which coldly dropped The Mindy Project - so perhaps this isn't a Danny snub but a FOX one instead?

Jack Burditt: 
While Jack wasn't in Mindy's first book, he was an Executive Producer and writer for The Mindy Project, and he's noticeably missing among the Why Not Me? mentions of Mindy's other writers on the show. I also noticed Jack seems to have moved on to working on The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. If I had to guess, I'd say the fall-out - if there was one - was fairly recent, like sometime this summer when The Mindy Project was gearing up for Season 4 on Hulu. Perhaps, Jack's exit from the team was less than smooth? Maybe, everything's fine and I should stop reading into nothing in Acknowledgments?!

P.S. Mindy loves carrot cake. This was not deduced from profiling her book but from other sources.

                                                                                                                                           

Mindy Kaling Do You Want To Want Me?!

I can’t imagine a better ringtone for Mindy on Morgan’s phone than “Want to Want Me” by Jason Derulo. Well done, Mindy Project writers.
Read more at http://www.tvovermind.com/reviews/the-mindy-project-season-4-episode-3-review-leo-castellano-is-my-son/#AIr2mU69KwKYj68j.99

Bravo The Mindy Project writers! Bravo indeed!!

So there I am, watching the third episode of Season 4 of The Mindy Project, loving life, when suddenly, the amazing happens. Nurse Morgan's phone rings when Mindy calls, and people... the ringtone is JASON DERULO'S "WANT TO WANT ME." This happens not once, but twice in this magical episode.

The simplest explanation is that Mindy Kaling is indepedently a Jason Derulo fan and this has nothing to do with me.

However, when I layer assumption upon assumption, I reach a more outrageous and gratifying conclusion. Could it be, that this was a shout-out from Mindy/her writers? I have no concrete basis to think so, but I did write this post earlier in April dedicated to my girl. 

Also, I tweeted the incredible Charlie Grandy, the writer of Episode #403, and he actually acknowledged my existence!

Call me a megalomaniac but Mindy... could it be you don't hate me? Maybe you even like me? Maybe you're just messing with me. Even if Mindy is absolutely oblivious to me, perhaps our psychic antennas tuned in to the same universal frequency for a moment in time, when this hot single by Jason Derulo was playing? Please know, whatever the case, I love it. Thank you.   

Why Not Me? Book Review

I have finished reading Why Not Me? 

Before the book was released, I wondered how it would compare to Mindy's best-selling Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (And Other Concerns), which I loved. 

As with any other anticipated sequel, you don't want it to be a departure from what you loved about the original but it also shouldn't be a regurgitation. The more you love the source, the taller the order for what follows. 

I almost was preparing myself for Why Not Me? to be a letdown, assuming that Mindy's rising fame since the best-selling performance of her first book would make her more guarded, less vulnerable, less relateable and therefore less entertaining. 

I am pleased to announce that Why Not Me? was deeply satisfying. If you loved her first book, you're going to love her second. The voice is still familiar, as endearing, and surprisingly revealing - once again, Mindy Kaling is willing to wear her heart on her (now haute couture) sleeve to get you to like her, and when she does, you wind up loving her (unless you're a monster or the victim of unresolved childhood trauma).

When Mindy's first book debuted in 2011, I did not read it. I barely followed Mindy Kaling back then. I did not regularly watch The Office, although I'd be amused if I happened to catch snippets of the show in reruns. Somewhere between then and 2012, when The Mindy Project started airing on FOX, I started noticing Mindy more. From an admiration of her background and her accomplishments, sprung a desire to learn more - almost obsessively. This is not unlike the aftereffects of watching "Eminem - The E True Hollywood Story," except there hasn't been such an expose on Mindy Kaling (as far as I know). 

I can't tell you when exactly I became so fascinated with Mindy Kaling that I am now inspired to blog all about her - I, a notorious, blogging lothario, who has ardently gone through multiple blog domains only to abandon them after toying around with weak and inconsistent posting, have somehow managed to stick with this creepy little blog for a record showing (maybe to Ms. Mindy's chagrin). It can't last... but it sounds like love to me (at least the romcom kind). 

Why Not Me? is blogging gold from my muse herself. Theoretically, it deserves an individual blog post per chapter. Realistically, there are at least a couple of more posts about the book that I plan to write wielding my insane profiling abilities but with great responsibility (I got you girl). Stay tuned. 

Mindy Kaling's actual signature in a pre-autographed Why Not Me?

The Mindy Project - Season 4 Episode 2: "C is for Coward" - 9/22/2015

Oh snap! Mindy had her baby! I know I advocated a slow build up to climactic moments but now I'm thinking I was totally wrong. I love that we're only two episodes in and baby Castellano has already debuted. Leo is the perfect name. This makes me even more excited to see what happens next episode*.

*Breastfeeding versus Formula?

The Mindy Project Season 4 Premiere: "While I Was Sleeping" - 9/15/2015

This was a fantastic start to the new season of The Mindy Project on Hulu. What a difference the extra five (?) minutes that the show gets on Hulu versus Fox makes!? I'm really feeling the show's new home.

I LOVED the guest stars (Regular Joe!!!!), the way the episode picked up right where last season's finale left off with Danny in India, the alternate reality, Mindy's parents (Sakina Jaffrey as Mindy's mom was a dream) - it was all thoroughly entertaining.

What I could have lived without - Mindy referring to herself as a "fat-ass." The other instances of self-deprecating humor, including "always being hungry," being mistaken for a Native-American man from behind because of her build and denim jacket, and her exchange leading into sitting on Freida Pinto, were very funny. 

The "fat-ass" line was superfluous however and also at odds with the "Unlikely Leading Lady" chapter of Mindy's new book Why Not Me? which I plan to review on this blog. 

Not to mention, I happened to glimpse her loveliness from a distance in the dark (not unlike a creeper) at her book tour discussion with Tina Fey (which was amazing and which I have not yet blogged about), and girlfriend is NOT FAT. I tell you, it's like that episode of the Twilight Zone where the freaky aliens made that gorgeous blonde believe she was hideous. Are we all a planet of freaky aliens to make Mindy Kaling feel like she is humongous when she is not? She's actually tiny in person. 

I love Mindy's writing. However, here's my unsolicited advice for Mindy when writing for the character she plays: if it would offend you coming from John Heilpern, then don't have Mindy Lahiri saying it. Even if you have another character say it, Mindy Lahiri should be schooling that dumb-ass. 

Also, what's up with the terrible caricature of Mindy Kaling that Vanity Fair insists on using - her nose does not look like that!? What the hell!?

P.S. Mindy, I know it couldn't possibly be, but when you dropped that Jason Derulo reference, I really did feel like it was for me. 

Why Not Me? Promo REMIX!!!

Today the new season of The Mindy Project debuts on Hulu and also marks the release of Mindy's new book, Why Not Me? Celebrate good times, come on!

So, I've received some flack for my last post "Mindy Kaling is Victim to Mindy Kaling." Critics think I should take a chill pill; I can swallow that. Mindy is just having fun, entertaining us - why can't I enjoy it without being such a dorywhore, I mean doryphore. Whatevs.

Also, don't I get that Mindy was skeptical about Anders interest in reading her book, not in her romantically? Well, I think the romcom set-up in the elevator conflates the concepts, but sure, the distinction would mean Mindy is not using her own desirability as the punchline but instead, her typical fan demographic.

Okay, I get it. I don't mean to be such a harpy. If I'm going to nitpick, then I should at least present my alternative book promo. I will stick as closely to the original in terms of setting/budget and casting, which means even if I want to cast Idris Elba against Mindy, I'll stick with her pal Anders.

Now presenting my take on a promo for Why Not Me?

Mindy Kaling & the Magical Elevator Ride To The Penthouse in the Sky

INT. The Exact Elevator Set Used on The Mindy Project - DAY

MINDY KALING is texting on her phone as ANDERS walks into the elevator holding folders and bunch of that long rolled paper that suggests he's an architect.

ANDERS
Excuse me.

MINDY
(dodging rolls pleasantly)
Sorry.

Mindy checks out Anders and politely asks:

MINDY
What floor?

ANDERS
Oh 18th floor.

MINDY
Oh, me too.

Mindy reaches to push elevator button as Anders moves to intercept her.

ANDERS
Oh I got it.

As Anders and Mindy collide, he drops what's he holding.

MINDY
Oh God I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!

Anders waves his hands, smiling.

ANDERS
Oh that's fine. No, don't.

[SO BASICALLY THE BEGINNING IS EXACTLY THE SAME AS THE ORIGINAL PROMO]

As Anders and Mindy bend down together to pick up his belongings.

ANDERS
Believe me, I'm used to it.

MINDY
Used to what? 

ANDERS
Women tend to have that reaction around me all the time. Especially women like you.

MINDY
What the heck is that supposed to mean?

ANDERS
Come on? Do I have to spell it out for you?

MINDY
Yes, I would love for you to enlighten me elevator rando.

ANDERS
Well, minority women especially go crazy for me- you know, with my all-American good looks, hazel eyes. Plus at 6'4, I'm way taller than the guys you're probably used to dating.

MINDY
Exsqueeze me?

Anders looking right into Mindy's startled eyes as they're on their knees on the elevator floor.

ANDERS
You probably have a type and my bet is, you're looking right at it.

Mindy standing back up, holding a paper roll.

MINDY
Oh you mean, obnoxious narcissistic jerk? Oh sure, yea - but I'm so Katherine McFee over it.

Anders stands to join her.

ANDERS
Come on. You don't have to fight it.

Anders seductively leans in towards Mindy, who is now backed into the corner of the elevator clutching the paper roll.

The elevator dings as it arrives on the 18th floor, the doors opening.

ANDERS
(slowly, seductively) 
You lust who you lust.

Mindy is frozen, staring into Anders' hazel eyes.

The doors close on the couple, Anders hovering over a hynotized Mindy.

Suddenly, the moment is broken back inside the elevator as Mindy bops Anders on the head with the roll of paper to repel him.

ANDERS
Oh..aaah

MINDY noticing that the elevator door has opened and closed on the 18th floor during this time.

MINDY
You know we just missed our floor.

ANDERS
No worries babe. You ride with me, and it's penthouse all the way.

Mindy reaches over to press the button again.

MINDY
Yea okay. What were you doing going to the 18th floor anyway?

Anders showing off his props, taking back the paper roll Mindy is holding.

ANDERS
Come on, you can't tell? I'm clearly an architect.

MINDY
You're an architect??

ANDERS
Well, no, not an ACTUAL architect. But I'm auditioning to play one. It's this great part in this fantastic comedy. I'm really pumped.

MINDY
Oh really?

ANDERS
Yea. Are you here to audition too? You going for the cute little sidekick or the fiery Jamaican nanny?

MINDY
Oh, I already have a part.

ANDERS
No kidding!? You're an actress? You know, I thought you looked familiar but then again, you guys always do.

MINDY
That's inconvenient.

ANDERS
Well, I picked up this book to prepare for my meeting today. The show-runner is a best-selling writer. 

MINDY
You don't say?

Anders looking through his file folders to find the book. 

ANDERS
Yea, I started flipping through the book and it's actually really funny. There's a story about Bradley Cooper, not that Bradley Cooper has anything on me, you know.

MINDY
I'm sure.

ANDERS
And a chapter on a starlet's confessions for how to look spectacular in Hollywood, which you should totally check out.

MINDY
Thanks.

ANDERS
No offense. I mean, you think I'm a natural blonde, don't you?

MINDY
I didn't doubt it for a moment.

ANDERS
Yea, can't say the same thing for BRADLEY now can you.

MINDY
Well, obviously you haven't ever met Bradley in person.

Anders looks stunned and leafs through his folders more frantically.

ANDERS
But no really, do I know you from somewhere?

The elevator dings as it reaches the 18th floor again and the doors open.

MINDY
(smiling)
Good luck with your audition.

Mindy cooly exits the interview, just as Anders finally retrieves the book and stares wide-eyed at the cover.

CLOSE UP: Mindy Kaling on the Why Not Me? book cover.

Anders holding up the book shouting out, walking towards the now closing elevator doors.

ANDERS 
Omg! Mindy Kaling! Why Not Me!? I'm your biggest fan!

Elevator doors close in his face.

The End.

Mindy Kaling Is Victim To Mindy Kaling

A promo for Mindy's new book Why Not Me? was posted on YouTube: "Mindy Kaling Is Victim To An Elevator Scam." 
A more fitting title would have been "Mindy Kaling Is Victim To Mindy Kaling." 

First things first, I greatly admire Mindy Kaling, despite my trollish ways that have alienated me from my beloved. But does Mindy want fans who follow her blindly? Maybe? However, I don't feel being a fan is mutually exclusive from having an opinion rooted in critical thought. 

Mindy Kaling notes "the commercialization of female empowerment" in her new book: “I just sometimes get the sneaking suspicion that corporations are co-opting ‘girl confidence’ language to rally girls into buying body wash.”

Well, I just sometimes get the sneaking suspicion that Mindy Kaling is co-opting her own insecurities to rally the masses into buying into her brand of humor - which seems to be, hey, isn't it comical that anyone could actually be attracted to me? I'll cast myself as the unlikely leading lady against the most unimaginative leading men but I'll also wink wink, acknowledge that I'm ridiculously unappealing.  

Let's really dissect this elevator promo. The punchline is basically Mindy's disbelief that a guy like Anders Holm would be interested in her or in reading her book. 

In order for this comedy to fly, we have to buy into the premise that a nondescript "white guy architect" would of course never be into a girl like Mindy Kaling, even Mindy Kaling playing Mindy Kaling (and not Mindy Lahiri, her television show sitcom character which is indistinguishable from herself in this promo, which is another gripe I have about this promo). 

In the promo, Mindy slaps Anders, but Mindy might as well have slapped herself. It may be lucrative but there's little empowerment in this brand of female slapstick. What message does this send to girls, especially minority girls, or girls with varying body types, or even grown-ass women or even gay guys who are ever stereotypically neutered? 

Mindy Kaling in no way challenges the mold of the romantic comedy hero on her show or in her promo, which is her prerogative. The sadder part is that she also bases her comedy in perpetuating that she's not a good enough heroine for the narrow archetype. It's pandering to an audience instead of commanding one. 

Sorry love, casting yourself as the heroine is not per se bold or brave when you tear yourself down in order to make it more palatable for your audience. This is actually cowardly. If you did it to anyone else besides yourself, it would be readily apparent that it is hateful. 

And gosh, it's lazy! We've seen this before! Here (Eff You Matt Damon) and here and here (everything Amy Schumer). Not to mention the on your knees meeting in an elevator here in the pilot episode of The Mindy Project.

Mindy Kaling grew up loving romantic comedies featuring good looking white people falling in love with each other. Progress would be people falling in love with each other. Progress is not white man falling for Mindy Kaling despite the fact that she is Mindy Kaling, and I don't think great comedy is either (unless you are trying to be satirical, which I just don't think you are girlfriend). 

The Mystery of Brenda Withers

I wasn't going to go there but really, I can't help it anymore. What more do I have to lose - I've already been shunned. I know Mindy won't appreciate this one bit but I've been wondering about this for a while now. 

Mindy Kaling and Brenda Withers

Mindy fans know how she got her big-break alongside her college best friend, Brenda Withers:

In August 2002, Kaling portrayed Ben Affleck in an off Broadway play called Matt & Ben,^[17] which she co-wrote with her best friend from college, Brenda Withers—who played Matt Damon. The play was named one of Time magazine's "Top Ten Theatrical Events of The Year," was "a surprise hit" at the 2002 New York International Fringe Festival.^[3] Initially, Withers and Kaling had "for their own entertainment, mockingly pretend to be the best friends Matt Damon and Ben Affleck; that pretending spawned “Matt & Ben”, the goofy play that reimagined how Damon and Affleck came to write the movie Good Will Hunting."^[3]  (Wikipedia)

In 2006, Brenda did have a brief guest stint on an episode of The Office, the memorable "Booze Cruise."

As of 2011, they were still tight. Mindy not only discussed her BFF Brenda in her book, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns), there were pics included of them evidencing their best friendship. Mindy also thanked Brenda in the acknowledgments. 

I'm pretty sure I saw a pic of them at an awards show together back in the day because Mindy had brought Brenda as her guest (maybe the one below?).

Brenda's acting credits on IMDb end after a stint on Law & Order in 2010. In 2011, she was acting in a play and in 2013 and 2015 also. So it doesn't seem Brenda has abandoned acting.

All of this brings me to the obvious - Mindy Kaling and Brenda Withers are no longer best friends. Even if they maintain a pretense at a friendship, or they choose not to comment publicly on the dissolution of their friendship, there is no way they are really best friends anymore. 

More rabid Mindy fans may be outraged by my assertion. But, if you exploded into stardom and had your own network television show which is now continuing for its fourth season on Hulu, and said show featured guest stars all the time, would you not cast your struggling actress BFF on even one episode, forget creating a recurring role?

Yea. Exactly. I rest my case.

I'd love to know what happened between Mindy and Brenda but we'll probably never find out. They seem way too private to expose these vulnerabilities to the media. Even if they're both perfectly fine with things as they are, as an outsider I find it kind of sad. I'm guessing it's not what they envisioned as kids when they shared their dreams of making it some day and it must suck for Brenda to feel left behind, even if Mindy has legit reasons for moving on without her. 

Mindy, is there no room for forgiveness? For making amends? Maybe not. Just wondering. 

UPDATE - I called it!

OMG EVEN BETTER UPDATE (2017)!! - Read my reply to (Mindy's???) comment on this post "Why Mindy Blocked Us On Instagram."