Mindy Kaling has beauty, brains and smashing success. Now, join us on our mission to find her Mr. Right and make the rom-com happy ending of her dreams come true!

She's Just A Girl, Standing In Front of a Boy, Asking Him To Love Her...

Sunday, May 31, 2015

The Mindy Project Writers Meeting

At Bookcon 2015 last Saturday, Mindy announced that the Mindy Project writers would be meeting again this Monday. Good luck and looking forward to Season 4!

Thursday, May 28, 2015


Good luck fellow Mindians.
Unfortunately, I've been benched on this one.

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

A Tale of Two Besties

Dear BJ,

I'm sure you have noted Mindy's interview in the June edition of InStyle magazine:

"And for those holding out hope that she and ex (both in real life and on The Office) Novak will reconcile, well, Kaling is stoking the fire. “I will freely admit: My relationship with B.J. Novak is weird as hell,” she says. “He is not my boyfriend, but he is not exactly my best friend. I guess you could describe our relationship as a ‘romantically charged camaraderie with loud arguments,’ but I don’t think Facebook would accept this as a new status.”

Ben, read between the lines. If you're really one of her best friends, then you'll understand why she qualified your relationship this way (for the first time I can remember) in this interview.  

Don't act like you didn't notice. Don't act nonchalant. Don't act like you're not reading this blog right at this very moment (okay, fine, I'll give you a pass on the last one).

You know damn right what you do!

It's not fun to be regularly played out in the media, especially by a friend. No ex wants this recap of their relationship to be told to anyone, forget the national media. 

Why be so calculatingly ambivalent? What are you so afraid of dude? 

Years later, as recently as an interview published this month, you continue to stick to this story ("We never really split up as we were never really together."??!). This story sucks though. And, it's so transparent when you do it. It's like a book with no pictures but also with gibberish for words and gaping holes in it. Literally, giant holes in the book itself into which you can poke your whole head to see right through it. 

You know how refreshing it would be for the new script to go something like this:
"Yes, we shared a relationship and although it didn't work out romantically, she is someone I continue to care about and I value our friendship."

You're too smart to act dumb about this. I also hope you value Mindy enough to acknowledge it, apologize and move on. Your friendship is worth it. She'll forgive you if you do and then you can make up and be besties again.
*"Ben, most people would turn you away, I don't listen to a word they say, They don't see you as I do, I wish they would try to, I'm sure they'd think again,
If they had a friend like Ben
*Original version available here.

Friday, May 8, 2015

Blog Over Troubled Water

Dear Mindy,

The Mindy Project was cancelled by Fox. 
Despite reports that Hulu may step in to continue the series, this is probably unwelcome news. 

You created and have been running an internationally recognized enterprise, garnering the praise and adoration of your still faithful fans, but exposing yourself to a world of scrutiny and critique, and now also to its "derision for disappointed hopes." 

Simultaneously, you have shouldered the responsibility of the livelihoods, careers, and expectations of all the people on your team. This too must be an incredible burden.

You answer not only for these professional considerations, but are also unrelentingly examined about your race-consciousness and related obligations, your appearance, your relationships, lack of relationships, past relationships, your current relations with your past relations, and even your brother.  

However, all of these pale in comparison to the soul-crushing pain of losing the love of your life. It is this quote from you in next month's edition of InStyle Magazine that seems to put things in perspective. 
Kaling's mother, Dr. Swati Chokalingam, an OBG/YN, died on Jan. 30, 2012 after battling pancreatic cancer. That day, the actress was told The Mindy Project had been picked up by Fox, according to The Boston Globe. On the show, Kaling played an OBG/GYN.
"I was very lucky that the show started up at that time so I could just throw myself into it and distract myself," Kaling told InStyle. "But the truth is, even though it's been three years, it still feels like it just happened. I remember the sound of her voice so distinctly."

Outstanding timing Fox - this Sunday is Mother's Day.

Your Mother was your biggest supporter, driving force, and comfort. For all the accolades, wealth or fame you could obtain, your parents' tremendous pride in your accomplishments were likely the most gratifying.

Before your glory on The Office, you were a rookie, with the defiant courage of one who has everything to prove but no record to plague her. Embarking independently on the next phase of your professional journey must have been scary - and fused along with it are your final days with your mother, like fabric from your favorite outfit of all time seared permanently into your flesh from a third-degree burn. It fucking hurts.  

As the dream of your own television show was materializing, you were living a personal nightmare. It's heartbreakingly unfair that you were forced to move on without her, not just with your show, but with the rest of your life. In grappling with your grief, The Mindy Project may have been diversionary with the enormity of the work involved but therein also remained a lingering connection to your Mother. Any new venture, professional or otherwise, would painfully widen the gap between your life now and your life when she was in it. The road ahead would be navigated without the benefit of having discussed it with her already. 

Some part of you must have known that there would be this reckoning, whether the Mindy Project came to its end this past week or years from now - confronting the loneliness from feeling your Mother's absence even more than you did when you lost her. 

I don't know when you took the picture for this cover and whether you already knew the fate of The Mindy Project. You look beautiful.

Sail on Silver Girl. 

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

That's What She Said

I feel mean doing this. 

Amy Schumer makes herself the BUTT of her own jokes. GET IT?!

But guys, I'm not responsible for this, which includes Amy Schumer being mistaken for a garden gnome:

This brings me right back to THIS.

Friday, May 1, 2015

My Dumb Blog Is So Unbelievably Hilarious

Hey guys, no one actually reads my blog. It sucks so bad. Mindy Kaling, the one person I was trying to impress, actually blocked me on Instagram. That's how much I suck. 

Look, This is me trying to write a post. Helpp mi! I kant bearly speell! Whyeee dos I suk so baad? Huh? 

Isn't that funny?! 

Also, my blog is so fat. 


Isn't that hilarious!? 

Does this make any sense? Probably not. This is absolutely nonsensical. Is my blog retarded? Whoah, wait a minute. Why would I just write that? Am I retarded? Oh no. There I go again. Being so politically incorrect and also mean - to myself. Do you find this amusing?

Welcome to the comedic phenomenon that is making Amy Schumer bank. I applaud Amy  - it's tough to make it in show business, and Amy is on the rise - not just figuratively but expanding literally, like a veritable dough girl. She has gignormous octupus arms, a prehistoric double chin, chows down like a farm animal and despite it all, is adorably undesirable. 

What the fuck is wrong with me? Oh, it's not funny when I write it? But somehow, it's considered hilarious when it comes straight from the trough-eating piggie's mouth. 

The sad part is Amy is obviously talented. I actually do find "Girl, You Don't Need Make-up" funny. Amy's interview on Ellen was also entertaining. It just makes me wonder, should I be questioning my humor sense? 

Amy's brand of humor is perhaps more than self-deprecating - isn't it on any level disturbing? America is getting such a kick out of watching this woman tear herself down. It's like, hey, if they're all going to laugh at you anyway, beat them to their punchlines and charge them admission. It will all be worth it when you comfort yourself, alone - because no one wants you-  in piles of money, and food. Don't forget the food, fatty.

What's the message that's being sent though about what makes women funny? Or to young girls about what they should aspire to? Or to bullies? 

How low do women have to sink to gain appreciation from the masses and mainstream success? Is the way to hell paved by the hilarity of female self-loathing? If Amy Schumer discussed instead how many guys she laid or how hot she was, and not sarcastically, where would be the humor in that? Would it exist solely in the vacuum of its utter unbelievability?

So, where does Mindy Kaling fit in all of this. Mindy is empowering. Mindy is inspiring. Mindy also has been known to go for that (so cheap that it makes her rich) laugh - like in this 2015 Super Bowl commercial. I loved this commercial simply because it starred our girl. I thought she was funny. I was entertained. 

Then, it dawned on me. Fuck you Matt Damon. Why do you have to be so fucking harsh?!

Oh sure, people will rationally argue, Matt Damon wouldn't just kiss some random person. Don't I know that Matt Damon is happily married to Luciana? People, this isn't real!? It's a Super Bowl commercial! 

If Mindy Kaling can go through a car wash, sunbathe nude in Central Park, why do the laws of this far-fetched alternate dimension necessitate Matt Damon being repelled by her advances? As an audience, can our imaginations only be stretched so far? Is it that inconceivable for Matt Damon to be into Mindy Kaling even on Super Bowl Sunday - the night where a yellow lab best befriends a Clydesdale, Danny Trejo stars in the Brady Bunch, and Walter White is the neighborhood pharmacist? But nooo, Matt Damon would never want to kiss Mindy Kaling - that's just crazy town.

If it boils down to what's funnier, we should question the presumption that it's funny only when Mindy is rejected by a past-his-prime Matt Damon. Isn't the most effective comedy when the audience is surprised by the unexpected? 

How hilarious might this alternate ending have been:
Matt Damon [leaning back, startled]: "Whoah, excuse me."
Mindy [surprised]: "Can you see me?"
Matt: "Yes, yes Ma'am."
Mindy: "You don't want to kiss, just to make sure."
Matt: [he's obviously going to say no]
Mindy [abashed]: yea..forget it... [then defensive] I didn't want to kiss you anyway Matt Damon...
Matt continued: [sudden enthusiasm] Yea sure! Why not?!
Matt swoops in on the now startled Mindy, dips her and enthusiastically tongues her down.
Voice-over Lady: "Join the Nation that sees you. Nationwide is on your side."

I realized that was the version of this commercial I would have wanted to see, and perhaps Mindy deserved - one where she's not only not actually invisible, but also recognized as undeniably desirable.

About now, I wonder if I'm like Jerry Seinfeld when he magnanimously advised Babu Bhatt to be true to his roots and change his "Dream Cafe" to an authentic Pakistani restaurant. This seemingly winning suggestion ruins Babu. 

Amy Schumer and Mindy Kaling don't need career advice from a sucky blog writer. They're doing just fine on their own. It also crosses my mind that it may be unfair to saddle these successful female comedians with feminist moral obligations while their male counterparts roam free, unbridled in comedic pastures. Critics like myself are ultimately inconsistent, contradictory, untalented assholes. Gosh, I crack myself up.

Bachelor # 3 - Michael Lee (that rhymes)

So, even though Mindy has shunned us, we will continue our good works. Especially when our good works look like this:

We made him take his shirt off. 

Michael is 31 years old, and the brain child behind this app PL8Chat, available for download through the Apple Store.  

PL8Chat users can chat each other up using their license plates. For example:

Let your imaginations run wild with the possibilities. This technology could allow you to chat up that hottie in the Maserati, or mini-Red Cooper.

So, readers, although Mindy's got first dibs, don't be shy to message this hottie on PL8Chat today! 

Not as blurry on Instagram - @manformindy