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| "I just have a lot of feelings..." - Mean Girls |
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
The Jason Derulo Love Test
Listen carefully to the lyrics of this song ("Want To Want Me"):
Now, if you can't imagine your man feeling these lyrics about you, you should seriously question your relationship.
You should literally (or in other words) be able to envision your man saying this:
"Girl, you're the one I want to want me,
And if you want, hey Girl you got me,
There's nothing I, Girl, I wouldn't do... just to get up next to you."
Ask yourself:
When you wear nothing but a smile, does he fall to the floor?
Does just the thought of you get him so high?
In the back of the cab, would he tip the driver ahead of time and ask, get me there fast?
Would he do anything and everything just to get up next to you?
Ring the alarm if the answers are:
He takes a rain check on that.
He's the only one among the two of you who does not actually know if you're dating.
He has ever pointed out blemishes questioning what's on your face.
He critiques your fashion sense and advises that you should dress better.
He peppers his criticism with acknowledgments of your talent to bolster his credibility and your affections.
You actually believe that his generous critiquing is a testament to your best friendship. However, he is quite insecure about you returning the favor.
Every now and then, he is uncharacteristically effusive in his admiration of other women and you enthusiastically echo his sentiments so as to not seem petty.
You are the butt of his jokes because he "loves" you.
You don't witness him making similar jokes about those he respects (especially other men).
It's about time you had a man make you feel the way Jason Derulo sings.
Now, if you can't imagine your man feeling these lyrics about you, you should seriously question your relationship.
You should literally (or in other words) be able to envision your man saying this:
"Girl, you're the one I want to want me,
And if you want, hey Girl you got me,
There's nothing I, Girl, I wouldn't do... just to get up next to you."
Ask yourself:
When you wear nothing but a smile, does he fall to the floor?
Does just the thought of you get him so high?
In the back of the cab, would he tip the driver ahead of time and ask, get me there fast?
Would he do anything and everything just to get up next to you?
He takes a rain check on that.
He's the only one among the two of you who does not actually know if you're dating.
He has ever pointed out blemishes questioning what's on your face.
He critiques your fashion sense and advises that you should dress better.
He peppers his criticism with acknowledgments of your talent to bolster his credibility and your affections.
You actually believe that his generous critiquing is a testament to your best friendship. However, he is quite insecure about you returning the favor.
Every now and then, he is uncharacteristically effusive in his admiration of other women and you enthusiastically echo his sentiments so as to not seem petty.
You are the butt of his jokes because he "loves" you.
You don't witness him making similar jokes about those he respects (especially other men).
It's about time you had a man make you feel the way Jason Derulo sings.
There's nothing the man who is worthy of you wouldn't do just to get up next to you Mindy!
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Why Mindy Blocked Us On Instagram
So, as typical when getting dumped, we asked ourselves why? Why did @mindykaling block us on Instagram?
Didn't we make her happy?
Didn't she see how good we were together?
How could she do this to us?
Don't you know you'll always be my baby.
And we'll linger on...
Then, we started connecting the dots... and it was like we had pictures(oftext) in our mind... and we could see how it all could have gone down.
SCENE:
INT: Ladurée (pretentious, excuse us, adorable French luxury bakery, in Soho, NY) - TWILIGHT
Our heroine, Mindy Kaling, shares a baby pink macaroon confection with her "it's complicated"-ex & BFF B.J. Novak.
Easy and breezy, Mindy brings up our post "Leading Lady & the Ex-Factor" -which she may or may not have been stewing over since it was brought to her attention.
Mindy : "Blah blah blah... so isn't that kinda obnoxious actually? Right?"
B.J.: "Am I the only man here? Am I the only man that has EVER been here?"
Mindy: "If we were like E.T. and Elliot, who's E.T.?"
B.J.: "This is absurd."
Mindy: "Actually, it is absurd isn't it? I mean, if E.T. and Elliot were anything like us, E.T. wouldn't be the charming alien beloved by us all. He'd be like some big, creepy, extraterrestrial child predator, and with that freaky, long, glowing finger, no, GROSS... that's just disgusting B.J.!"
B.J.: [Dull look]
Mindy: "Stop looking at me like that. I hate when you look at me like that."
B.J.: [Eye roll]
Mindy: "Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to overreact. I mean, if it had bothered me, I would have called you out on it in like October 2014... Obviously, I know what you meant..."
B.J.: "Great."
Mindy: "Clearly, you're E.T."
B.J.: "How am I E.T.?"
Mindy: "What do you mean how are you E.T.? How am I E.T.??!"
B.J.: "So, you're the 10-year old little white kid?"
Mindy: "I'd rather be a boy than a hideous extraterrestrial!!!"
B.J.: "E.T. isn't hideous."
Mindy: "Oh, right, and I bet you share a great and terrible chemistry with him too?! Give me a break!"
B.J.: "E.T. is magical."
Mindy: "What the hell are you saying?"
B.J.: "E.T. saves Elliot from dying, leaves a giant rainbow in the sky and everyone is sad when E.T. goes."
Mindy: "...Really?"
B.J.: [Dull look]
Mindy: "You think I'm magical..."
B.J.: [Dull look]
Mindy: "Awwwwww... you love me! You wanna kiss me! You wanna have my glow-in-the-dark alien babies!"
B.J.: [Eye roll]
Mindy: "Oh B.J.! Let's never let a stupid no-name rando fan blog come between us again!"
@manformindy BLOCKED.
And they all lived happily ever after!
Didn't we make her happy?
Didn't she see how good we were together?
How could she do this to us?
Don't you know you'll always be my baby.
And we'll linger on...
Then, we started connecting the dots... and it was like we had pictures(oftext) in our mind... and we could see how it all could have gone down.
SCENE:
INT: Ladurée (pretentious, excuse us, adorable French luxury bakery, in Soho, NY) - TWILIGHT
Our heroine, Mindy Kaling, shares a baby pink macaroon confection with her "it's complicated"-ex & BFF B.J. Novak.
Easy and breezy, Mindy brings up our post "Leading Lady & the Ex-Factor" -which she may or may not have been stewing over since it was brought to her attention.
 |
Mindy : "Blah blah blah... so isn't that kinda obnoxious actually? Right?"
 |
| *This pic not actually from Laduree |
B.J.: "Am I the only man here? Am I the only man that has EVER been here?"
B.J.: What are you talking about?
Mindy: "If we were like E.T. and Elliot, who's E.T.?"
B.J.: "This is absurd."
Mindy: "Actually, it is absurd isn't it? I mean, if E.T. and Elliot were anything like us, E.T. wouldn't be the charming alien beloved by us all. He'd be like some big, creepy, extraterrestrial child predator, and with that freaky, long, glowing finger, no, GROSS... that's just disgusting B.J.!"
B.J.: [Dull look]
Mindy: "Stop looking at me like that. I hate when you look at me like that."
B.J.: [Eye roll]
Mindy: "Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to overreact. I mean, if it had bothered me, I would have called you out on it in like October 2014... Obviously, I know what you meant..."
B.J.: "Great."
Mindy: "Clearly, you're E.T."
B.J.: "How am I E.T.?"
Mindy: "What do you mean how are you E.T.? How am I E.T.??!"
B.J.: "So, you're the 10-year old little white kid?"
Mindy: "I'd rather be a boy than a hideous extraterrestrial!!!"
B.J.: "E.T. isn't hideous."
Mindy: "Oh, right, and I bet you share a great and terrible chemistry with him too?! Give me a break!"
B.J.: "E.T. is magical."
Mindy: "What the hell are you saying?"
B.J.: "E.T. saves Elliot from dying, leaves a giant rainbow in the sky and everyone is sad when E.T. goes."
Mindy: "...Really?"
B.J.: [Dull look]
Mindy: "You think I'm magical..."
B.J.: [Dull look]
Mindy: "Awwwwww... you love me! You wanna kiss me! You wanna have my glow-in-the-dark alien babies!"
B.J.: [Eye roll]
Mindy: "Oh B.J.! Let's never let a stupid no-name rando fan blog come between us again!"
@manformindy BLOCKED.
And they all lived happily ever after!
Vera Don't Need This $#*%!
So, right when we were planning the launch of our next Eligible Bachelors, including a hot doctor no less! - we unceremoniously discovered this:
Yes friends - the unthinkable! WE GOT INSTAGRAM BLOCKED BY @MINDYKALING !!!
At first we were like this:
BUT THEN we were like this:
The realization hit - is it not better to be scorned by one's beloved than to waste away in their ignorance of your very existence?!
Yes friends - the unthinkable! WE GOT INSTAGRAM BLOCKED BY @MINDYKALING !!!
At first we were like this:
BUT THEN we were like this:
The realization hit - is it not better to be scorned by one's beloved than to waste away in their ignorance of your very existence?!
Monday, April 13, 2015
Leading Lady & the Ex-Factor
I love this American Express commercial starring Mindy:
Remember Mindy, when you got to Hollywood and they said, maybe you should play the best friend or the sidekick, and you thought, "Why can't I be the star? Am I not good enough? ... not pretty enough?"
That's what comes to mind when your ex-boyfriend, with whom you continue to maintain a friendship, B.J. Novak, speaks about your relationship past (while reflecting on your counterparts, Kelly Kapoor and Ryan, on The Office):
You deserve in love what you demanded in your career - to not settle for less than being the Leading Lady.
Remember Mindy, when you got to Hollywood and they said, maybe you should play the best friend or the sidekick, and you thought, "Why can't I be the star? Am I not good enough? ... not pretty enough?"
That's what comes to mind when your ex-boyfriend, with whom you continue to maintain a friendship, B.J. Novak, speaks about your relationship past (while reflecting on your counterparts, Kelly Kapoor and Ryan, on The Office):
"Says Novak, 'No one, including us, ever really knew, ‘Is this dating? Is this not dating?’ We were never really dating, we were never really not dating. We didn’t know. No one knew.'"
"'I would say it was a great and terrible chemistry, and it reflected what we were like in real life,' Novak said. 'No one ever knew if we were together or not, including us. We weren't always on the same page on a given day or a given hour. We fought a lot. We were each other's best friends. We were inseparable and not talking to each other, often on the same day. And people didn't know, if she was gone, they would ask me where she was, and vice versa. We were like E.T. and Elliott a little bit.'"**For the record, has B.J. Novak watched E.T.? This sounds nothing like E.T. and Elliott's relationship!
This begs the question Mindy...
Listen girl, we know you love him, and we get that he loves you too, as a good friend...
but the love you deserve isn't one which begrudgingly accepts your affections, filled with moonlight kisses that seem to cool in the warmth of the sun, creeping in this petty pace from day to day as it defers hugs and shared carrot cake from the Soho House:
The only bike-bound love I hope for you is this:
Even better this:
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
Sunday, April 5, 2015
Friday, April 3, 2015
Bachelor Number 2 - Oh Olly!
Move over Hugh, Colin, Prince Harry (though we love our gingers!)... there's a new British invader looking to conquer and colonize Mindy's heart (but in a civilized fashion with the best of intentions).
Here's Olly!
Doesn't he sound just darling? With a British accent, there's even a certain elegance to "super snake."
VITAL STATS:
Location: near London town, UK
Age - 38
Height - 6'3"
Weight - 190 lbs
Occupation - Full-Time Transport Coordinator (and Part-Time Ice Cream Connoisseur)
Zodiac Sign: Taurean who loves Rod Stewart and any Yacht Rock
Why Mindy should date Olly in his own words (this guy is hilarious):
Olly
Our Overall "ManforMindy" Assessment
He's fun, he's funny and he's as delectable as the chocolates and ice creams with which he'd woo you.
But whether it's Pat Benatar or Mariah featuring Jay-Z singing it, this one's got heartbreaker written all over him!
Special thanks to our American emissary who endorsed this eligible suitor! - @cheyannejo
Here's Olly!
Doesn't he sound just darling? With a British accent, there's even a certain elegance to "super snake."
VITAL STATS:
Location: near London town, UK
Age - 38
Height - 6'3"
Weight - 190 lbs
Occupation - Full-Time Transport Coordinator (and Part-Time Ice Cream Connoisseur)
Zodiac Sign: Taurean who loves Rod Stewart and any Yacht Rock
Why Mindy should date Olly in his own words (this guy is hilarious):
Here are my "credentials" for your perusal (try to remain calm ladies)....
I believe I have all the attributes to sweep Mindy off her feet...
I am a white male - check
I have dark hair and brooding eyes - double check
and (this is my killer move) I have an English accent, but think Hugh Grant not Austin Powers.
It's the classic Brit boy and Indian American chick romcom! Our story is practically writing itself!
When I am not at work or eating ice cream (usually both at the same time), I like to volunteer at my local animal shelter, help elderly folks across the road and immerse myself in culture by getting down with some Shakespeare at the theatre.
WHEN Mindy steps of her private jet at London Heathrow she can be assured that I will be waiting to whisk her off on a magical first date that would include (but not limited to) a luncheon appointment with Her Majesty the Queen, a trip to Hogwarts to take in a Quidditch tournament, some sight seeing around Notting Hill and to round the day off we would head to that most classic location of all 'boy meets girl' movies - the ice rink, where any discomfort that Mindy felt would melt away the instant she felt my strong arms around her whisking her around the ice like a figure skating God.
Adding a pic as requested:
One of me enjoying my passion:
Another of me trying to enjoy my country retreat - get off my land you terrible people).
Once again, I thank you for bringing Mindy and I closer together.
One of me enjoying my passion:
Another of me trying to enjoy my country retreat - get off my land you terrible people).
Once again, I thank you for bringing Mindy and I closer together.
Olly
Instagram @green_nowhere
Our Overall "ManforMindy" Assessment
He's fun, he's funny and he's as delectable as the chocolates and ice creams with which he'd woo you.
But whether it's Pat Benatar or Mariah featuring Jay-Z singing it, this one's got heartbreaker written all over him!
Special thanks to our American emissary who endorsed this eligible suitor! - @cheyannejo
Thursday, April 2, 2015
Don't Be Afraid Bachelor #2!
We hope this disturbing Youtube footage doesn't disturb our soon to be announced international bachelor!
Not everyone in America is a raging monster.
Hopefully this makes you feel better!
Not everyone in America is a raging monster.
Hopefully this makes you feel better!
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| "Land of the Free and home of the Kaling" - @cheyannejo (Instagram) |
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