Mindy Don't Know Me Like That

For those of you out there who have wondered and even inquired, I do not know Mindy Kaling!

I have never met Mindy Kaling, am not employed by Mindy Kaling, and am not connected to anyone in her social circle, remote or otherwise, who has sold out her personal secrets.

What I do have are a very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like... Mindy Kaling... who has never wronged me in any way and who just happens to be at the center of my current celebrity fixations. 


I'm not psychic but I do have a sixth sense that may somehow be related to my astigmatism. While I'm no Robert Downey Jr., my powers of deduction are surprisingly on point, especially when the subject is a celebrity because then I am privy to lots of information I have no business knowing.

If I were unscrupulous, I would already have had made a fortune as a celebrity palm-reader (for entertainment purposes only). I would also have outed the Obama aide that Mindy writes about in Why Not Me? "One Of The President's Men." 

Very clever Mindy but I was not led astray gobbling up your tasty breadcrumbs of misdirection. Yes, I'd wager that I have indeed identified the non-villain/hero in your love chapter. Well, that may sound like B.S.; Nevertheless, I will maintain Mindy's secret, knowing she wouldn't want to subject this guy to "the censure of the world for caprice." 

Sometimes I'm concerned that people like me would cause Mindy to be more guarded and to therefore share less, ruining it for us all.

I would like to take this time to reassure Mindy that I don't want to be the cause of that suckage. While my blog may occasionally blow up her spot, it will not be with malicious intent. My favorite things in life include Mindy's chapters and Taylor's songs. 

Hey Mindy, if you're ever curious about what you revealed that gave it away, have your people call my people.